Attachment styles define our patterns of forming bonds with others, especially our closed ones and our partners. Some bonds make us more secure, some make us anxious and some of them make us avoid close and intimate bonding. Attachment patterns are usually formed during our early years of relating to our caregivers. Once you become an adult and you begin to form new independent relationships, it unveils emotional voids from our childhood and you are able to locate your wounds. These wounds most often mess up our relationship. But in an awakened and insightful light, you will be able to use the path to heal and meet your unfulfilled needs.
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After having identified your attachment style, it is important to understand how you can cater to your own and your partner’s needs to ensure a healthy and balanced relationship.
A person with secure attachment style is attuned to their partner’s emotional and physical needs and wants while also being able to respond to them effectively. The emotional system of such individuals mostly ends up finding the balance in a relationship. They are able to navigate through the ups and downs of their partner and their own problems in a healthy and collaborative manner. Research studies have shown that having even one partner with secure attachment helps in sustaining a secure bond within the relationship.
Anxious attachment style is a sensitive and activated type of attachment pattern. Individuals with this attachment style are emotionally hyperactive in sensing dangers to their relationship. This is a result of the brain being wired to track and monitor the presence of their loved ones to ensure that they stick around at all times, because their absence can be uncertain. You are likely to pick up subtle details about your partner to detect unavailability of your partner. This trait of yours may keep you alerted, anxious and fearful at all times thus, hampering other areas of your life as well.
Once you track your attachment pattern as anxious, it becomes easy for you to track down your threatening thought system. Working with a mental health professional will then enable you to adopt strategies to make a shift towards becoming more secure by working on your fears and learning to state your speciific attachment needs.
Specific attachment syles are adopted by infants to increase their survival chances in the environment that they are raised in. Thus, individuals who found more safety in detaching and being away from their caregivers, they learned to be self sufficient by adopting an avoidant attachment pattern.
If your attachment style is avoidant, you are likely to be better off being alone and independent. But while in a relationship, intimacy and closeness might be something that would scare you. You may be unaffected by most significant concerns in a relationship because your mind is wired to avoid such relationship building process or even your own needs and fears about the relationship. Some of the common traceable traits of an avoidant partner is the inability to commit, maintaining distance within the relationship, avoiding closeness, flirting with other, focussing more on imperfections in the relationship.
Being an avoidant partner, it becomes important to address to your own pain and voids which you have been avoiding for a long time. Without serving your own needs, you are likely to end up in the cycle being attracted to anxious partners and repeatedly bouncing away from them. Seeking professional help helps to cater out strategies that will make communication with your partner easier. One must avoid pushing yourself too much into commitment but take small steps towards building security and intimacy with your partner.
