— Sahana V, Psychotherapist
Understanding the addiction journey becomes crucial for both the user and their family members. Many times, addiction starts early in age due to various stressors that could be personal, social, financial, academic, etc. It is a learned response. As children we mimic, observe, and repeat how our circle of people, and culture deal with managing stress—sometimes learned coping strategy to leverage a personal or social status especially when the child has difficulty navigating interpersonal, and social relationships, managing stress, or attuning to or containing difficult emotions. It becomes more difficult when there is a genetic predisposition to any mental health issues in the family, the environment one is living in is challenging, or family members also have similar ways of coping with stress or lifestyle. I.e. If a family member tends to smoke, consume alcohol, or take any drugs. The child is more prone to learn and adapt their way of coping which eventually becomes a persistent cycle of addiction. Because the child doesn’t know any other way to manage since this has been the initial coping strategy the child has adopted.
As a family member, it is important to understand where these habits come from, how they developed in the formative years, and what kind of support system can be provided by the family members and outside the family system. It is necessary to draw boundaries even if the intention is to support. Otherwise, unknowingly one might bring any psychological injury to the child which might make the prognosis bad. Here, are some of the ways the family members can gather the strength, endurance, awareness, and support.
Awareness: How do I identify if my child is suffering from addiction, what are the signs that need to be noticed and how do I understand what is happening to my child? As in any household, the initial curiosity to understand one’s child’s challenges is relational. Discuss with your partner, parents, friends, and close ones what is happening and how to provide support. Further, read and research about it, join groups to understand more, and importantly get support from a mental health professional.
Communication: Communicating with the child if they need any support in managing their stressors. Without blaming, complaining, or condescending their ways of dealing with life. Check-in if they are open to seeking help without forcing or punishing them. Here, it is detrimental not to advise, or lecture them to the extent that the child starts self-loathing or feels helpless.
Gathering resources: Understanding and gathering what steps need to be taken, and how to approach them, for oneself and the child. Resources can be understanding whom to approach, a deaddiction counsellor, psychiatrist, psychologist, etc. where to go – clinic, hospital, support groups, or a rehabilitation center; understanding the treatment timeline and how it works.
Openness to experience: Be open to any kind of objections the child may bring up during the treatment journey. The child may shout, yell, relapse, and withdraw socially for some time, and may resist treatment. The child might not be ready for treatment, they could be in denial or fear of failing at it. Understand the child, what are their fears, insecurities, or vulnerabilities; and how you can assist them. Kindness and validating support from a loved one can transform their fears into confidence and uplift the belongingness of the family members so that they can achieve their goals.
Being present in the ongoing process: Being available and involved in the journey is the greatest support system one can have which will alleviate the symptoms of loneliness, fear, failure, etc. Nurturance from a loved one can significantly bring changes in a child’s mood, self-esteem, and self-worth.
Boundaries: Being aware that you can only assist as much as you can, and the rest must be supported by another system. Being too intrusive, skeptical, demeaning, and bad-mouthing your child might reverse the prognosis of the treatment. Understanding what can be done, how much can be done, what is in my control, what is not, is the child comfortable with me to open up, or whether are they feeling resistant to open up determines the child’s relationship and treatment.
Prioritizing self-care: As much as the child is going through addiction challenges the family equally suffers from the pain, burden, confusion, fear, and disharmony in the family functioning. Thus, the family members must seek support for themselves in educating themselves, caring for themselves, and enduring the turbulence with care.
Relapse and recovery: They say, ‘relapse is a process to recovery’, relapse and recovery are not two different things but two faces of the same coin. Every substance user may slip or relapse during the process of the treatment. It is one way to look at underlying issues and what more contributions must be addressed in the treatment approach. As a family member, you may be bewildered, hurt, and disappointed in your child’s difficulties. But don’t let those projections onto the child, in moments such as that, care for yourself, understand yourself, take help from therapy, allow yourself of those burdens, communicate, and support your child constructively.
Overall, being there for yourself compassionately and your child is what makes the outcome flexible and easy for the enduring pain.
As Camus says, “I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world”. (Albert Camus, The Stranger). Allow yourself to this new experience and challenges, so that seeking support comes with collaboration with pain and not removal of pain. As it is life, it must be lived and all parts have to be processed.
